What I need

I'm everywhere at this moment.

All I really know for sure right now is that it's affecting me more than I thought it would.

I tried to play it off cool

as being relieved.

as just wanting to get laid.

as just being friends.

as just another cool person.

As anything else but for how i really felt.

And I don't understand.

How it happened.

How I can be singing again sad songs and taking comfort in their truths because it applies to me.

How I can feel so stupid for being so stupid and allowing myself to fall when I told myself I wouldn't. But then he came along.

Stupid. Just stupid. falling for someone like this. And I know I'm going to be singing more songs softly to myself as the days come along in hope of comfort and remembering and hoping that I'll forget because I know that he will. And I have to prepare myself for that. Because as much as I want to believe him.

I can't. I won't remind him either of me.

I don't want to remind him.

I don't want this hope. This hope which only hurts.

-_- it hurts.