=/

Fast forward to midmorning after my realization that love isn't a mistake. It never is, just the situation is fucked up a bit. But that's okay. because I realized that for as much as I cared about him and the way I adore him and know he adores me, that I do need to get my life together. To let it fall apart completely in whatever our relationship was to each other and just let it come apart so I can rebuild new.

For as much as I fear disattachment and hate the feeling I get of loneliness for which he always takes away with simply one text, I do have to disattached myself from him. Now preferably because if I don't, it will just hurt the longer I hold onto it.

And I know myself, I know my potential, not only to other elements of my life, but to love, I know my potential and my potential is endless and I can really hold onto every bit and make him feel like he's not further away than around the corner, even though he will be living more than a thousand miles away because I pay attention. I give my full attention to love and that's dangerous because of the sacrifices I make for it.

And I don't know what to do. I know what I should do and yet I'm following my heart, and not doing it.

Thinking. Feelings. I need a mediator for my head and my heart.