Hope dangles on a string, like slow-spinning redemption..

So today's SofD was Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional for many reasons, reasons close to me, reasons I already wrote about to someone else to clear myself and just put them down concrete. I'm okay now since I have made peace with myself but while I was mopping and just going on about my day while listening to that song, I realized that I hadn't heard that song in a long long time and while I was singing it softly to myself it reminded me.

The problem with memories is that it always brings a sense a nostalgia, a yearning that I can't shake away because I do remember.

And unexpectedly who was on my mind wasn't even a real person.

I remembered how I used to listen to that song, hours after hours on repeat, and who I was when I used to listen to that and more importantly what I was writing.

And for a moment today I was reconnected with that person I was, that writer, writing her first book. When I wrote that first book, those characters of mine who are both extensions and not of myself. Those characters that I spent so much time on and who still linger on my mind, who I can see so clearly even though I haven't touch the first book in years and I think it is time. Time to get back to my writing, not just what my current work, but my past ones too, and to move on and start writing that fourth book, and the fifth, and the sixth, and the seventh, and the eighth too.

My writing needs me. My book needs me. I expect so much of myself, so many books to write and I think about it with a sense of peace that I rarely get when thinking about anything else. My writing, it's what I do. If I don't have my writing, I have nothing. I am nothing. I am just another person going through the motions of life, and I don't feel like I'm reaching for anything if I don't have my writing, but I do have it.

It is passion and while there are other types of passion which has kept me away from my writing, it didn't really. I chose to step away from my writing and now that I have lived outside of my books, have experience a different type of passion, still experiencing, I am ready to go back to my writing like before, to my readings, to my life, and the working on myself to be that person I know I am meant to be. I will make my dreams a reality. I feel it and along the way I will reconnected with the old writing and prepare to work on the new.