Dream number whatever.

What a strange dream.

I was leaning against a chipped white railing, and I was smoking a cigarette as casually as it is.

I woke up craving one.

I haven't shared a smoked since last January, almost a full year, with Nessarina in the park. She smoked most of it anyway but still.

I had the chance to smoke a few times after that, I didn't. I threw them away.

But now to dream of smoking one is weird, and to crave one is bad and I've been craving a smoke and a drink for awhile, a few weeks. I'm not going anywhere near them. I don't want to start a habit I can't stop. I think it had to do with kissing hookup #9. He was a smoker and even though I made sure I had gum with me, I could still taste it in his mouth. This might just be it.

I'm not going to dwell on that. I finished clockwork orange and took up Genius of the Sea again since I wasn't able to finish it during the semester. I'm still on page 18 of the WIP. I'm hoping to change that tonight.

The day has been upside down, with its goods and bads. I had a very good exercise romp, just purely driven. I'm going to sore tomorrow. But what fueled that was the hate of what I saw earlier. A mutual friend of mine with the ex posted a picture. they were in it. She was in it. He was in it. I hate myself for looking at it. It was taken three days ago. I realized just what he did to me. It's been a year and I'm still reel by it.

I wanted to break something, I wanted to destroy. I wanted to cut. I wanted to hurt. I exercised. Then took a shower. I came out and realized that my face was swollen.
I had a mild food allergy. Mild being define by breaking out in ugly red splotches and my face swelling up to where I'm unrecognizable. My parents wanted to take me to UMC care when I couldn't breathe through my nose because it was too swollen. I kept repeating to myself control control control. I told them to wait an hour and took two benadrylls and then went to blank out my mind on tv, hoping to relax my body enough to let the meds kick in and not panic. When the movie ended, most of the splotches were gone and I was breathing better through my nose so I told them there was no need. and there wasn't. My eyelids are still swollen but otherwise I'm 85 percent better on that. I'll be fine by tomorrow.

I blank out through two movies I already saw that I liked alot, in between finishing a clockwork orange. I also saw another movie that I never got to finish. A chick flick that I knew wasn't even going to be remotely well done, and just done for the movie. So why did I see it? because sometimes I just need to concentrate on someone's petty dramas aside my own. I haven't seen this much TV in a looooooooong time. I was pretty sick.

Then we got the call about the house. they're not giving it to us. Stupid bank. the foreclosure effect has them running scared. If they weren't going to allow it, they should have told us in the first place instead of wasting all our damn time, and apparently we were preapproved already. Whatever. Let them rot in their fear.

Sounds like a shitty day right? I think it's mostly my anger that lets me get away without busting into the poor old' me's. The best thing of the day was that my dad made bomb ass mash potatoes which I enjoyed very much because I wasn't going anywhere any type of meat (they had crab legs for dinner >_>) in order to provoke even more allergies. That and one of my bestie's woke me up with a text saying Will & grace is back on their time slot. I got to talk to him for a few minutes, even though I was still sleeping.

tomorrow will be better. I will reach page 20. I will go to the library and pick up my books, this time with my library card because today when I went I didn't have it on me >_>

Off days make me yearn to be back in school. Pitiful, not even a week off and I want to go back already, mostly for my friends, but also to feel like I'm doing something.

I hope I go back in spring semester a smaller dress size (or two, but that's wishful thinking) and my WIP fully written and done, and a winter list of a lot of books read.

Hope hope hope.

Woot woot ^_^

WIP: Page 18.

And only a quarter more till I finish A clockwork orange

:D WOOT WOOT.

The only downside: I'm still thinking of that guy. Hookup's # 9 friend.

>_>

Hopefully tomorrow will fade it a bit more.

Books Books Books!

100 Books

I found this list of 100 books on a random blog I came across. I stole it :P

I've emboldened the titles that I've read, and italicized the ones I hope to read someday. Feel free to do the same if you wish :)

1. Jane Austen – Pride & Prejudice

2. Harper Lee – To Kill A Mockingbird

3. JRR Tolkien – Lord Of The Rings

4. Jodi Picoult – My Sister’s Keeper

5. Stephanie Meyer – Twilight Saga

6. JK Rowling – Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone>

7. Audrey Niffenegger – The Time Traveler’s Wife

8. Markus Zusak – The Book Thief

9. George Orwell – 1984

10. Raymond E. Feist – Magician

11. Khaled Hosseini – A Thousand Splendid Suns

12. Paullina Simons – Bronze Horsemen

13. Gregory David Roberts – Shantaram

14. Margaret Mitchell – Gone With The Wind

15. Bryce Courtenay – Power of One

16. Dan Brown – The Da Vinci Code

17. Dan Brown – Angels & Demons

18. Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist

19. Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre

20. Tim Winton – Cloud Street

21. Khaled Hosseini – The Kite Runner

22. Emily Bronte – Wuthering Heights

23. Arthur Golden – Memoirs of Geisha- Bookclub reading of last January/Feb :D

24. LM Montgomery – Anne Of Green Gables

25. Joseph Heller – Catch-22

26. Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat Pray Love

27. The White Tiger - Adiga Aravind

28. Brothers by Yu Hua

29. Yann Martel – Life of Pi

30. AB Facey – Fortunate Life

31. Douglas Adams – The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

32. Lewis Carroll – Alice In Wonderland & Through The Looking Glass

33. Sputnik Sweetheart -Haruki Murakami

34. Cane - Jane Toomer

35. David Pelzar – A Child Called It

36. Li Cunxin – Mao’s Last Dancer

37. John Marsden – Tomorrow, When The War Began

38. Frank McCourt – Angela’s Ashes

39. Frank Herbert – Dune

40. JD Salinger – A Catcher In The Rye

41. F. Scott Fitzgerald – The Great Gatsby

42. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – One Hundred Years Of Solitude

43. Bryce Courtenay – April Fool’s Day

44. The Good Earth - Pearl S. Buck

45. Patrick Suskind – Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer

46. Matthew Reilly – Ice Station

47. Carlos Ruiz Zafon – The Shadow Of The Wind

48. Stephen Hawking – A Brief History Of Time

49. Christopher Paolini – Eragon (Inheritance Cycle)

50. Louisa May Alcott – Little Women

51. Mitch Albom – Tuesdays With Morrie

52. Jane Austen – Persuasion

53. Alice Sebold – The Lovely Bones

54. Ian McEwan – Atonement

55. Leo Tolstory – Anna Karenina

56. George Orwell – Animal Farm

57.
Anthony Burgess – A Clockwork Orange


58. Antoine de Saint Exupéry – The Little Prince

59. Roald Dahl – Charlie & The Chocolate Factory

60. CS Lewis – The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe

61. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – Love In The Time Of Cholera

62. Bill Bryson – A Short History Of Nearly Everything

63. Fyodor Dostoevsky – Crime And Punishment

64. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka

65. Arundhati Roy – The God Of Small Things

66. Paullina Simons – Tully

67. John Grisham – A Time To Kill

68. John Grogan – Marley & Me

69. Vikram Seth – A Suitable Boy

70. Alexandre Dumas – Count Of Monte Cristo

71. Neil Gaiman – American Gods

72. Cormac McCarthy – The Road

73. Aldous Huxley – Brave New World

74. Brendan Shanahan – In Turkey I Am Beautiful: Between Chaos And Madness In A Strange Land

75. The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan

76. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon

77. How The Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Julia Alverez
78. Donna Tartt – The Secret History

79. Mario Puzo – The Godfather

80. Anne Rice – Interview With The Vampire

81. Steig Larrson – The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo

82. Stephen King – Stand

83. Helen Fielding – Bridget Jones’ Diary

84. Eckhart Tolle – New Earth

85. Matthew Reilly – Seven Ancient Wonders

86. Jung Chang – Wild Swans

87. Nicholas Sparks – The Notebook

88. Bret Easton Ellis – American Psycho

89. David Eddings – Belgariad Vol. 1: Pawn Of Prophecy; Queen Of Sorcery; Magician’s Gambit

90. Louis De Bernieres – Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

91. Melina Marchetta – Looking For Alibrandi

92. Celia Ahern – PS I Love You

93. John Irving – A Prayer For Owen Meany

94. Colleen McCullough – The Thorn Birds

95. John Kennedy Toole – A Confederacy Of Dunces

96. Terry Pratchett – Good Omens

97. Hunter S. Thompson – Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas

98. Joanne Harris – Chocolat

99. William Goldman – Princess Bride

100. Charles Dickens – Great Expectations