Meh

Just another verbal vomit entry. I feel so unwanted. I want to hope. I like him more than I thought I did and it's so hard to admit to myself that it means nothing. It's just emailing back and forth. and that's it.

I'm trying to keep my spirits up and I'm on this up and down trek of emotions, having a really great time with my family visiting and being out playing tourist at nearly all hours, discovering new views of my city and all it has to offer (clubs, eateries, slots) and people watching, seeing all the hotties come out to play from all over the world, and yet when I'm done playing tourist, and I get a little time to myself, why is it that I just want to shut myself up and sleep and not be aware. Not be aware of anything being wrong but I feel it. The melancholy taking me in, and I just don't know.

Le sigh.

I'm hoping despite knowing it'll take a miracle of miracle, and the more guys I burn through, the more guys I get to know, I get to meet, to fuck, to play with, to just flirt with, to dance with, the more convince I get that the dork is just for me. & I know he is just a dream but sometimes his geeky speeches with their fantasy, sci-fi overload references are the only thing that makes me smile.

:(