And I feel fine.

Sometimes I just take a good look at myself and the way I am and I scoff at how different I am and I enjoy my lifestyle. I am a selfish whore who loves the attention, above all the attention. Sometimes I think it's because of fact that I didn't realized or blossom into the social butterfly I am now till very late, 18. or so. And still even then it was one or two guys over the year before I got involved in a serious relationship.

Even with that view and how I am happy, sometimes I just look at myself and think that's fuckup, even for me.

Like the fact that I got more excited in getting a text back from a guy who apparently didn't even get the meaning of my text, from a fellow whore/player/ and I know that if ever gets what I want to do, that we will, and then we would say goodbye. Love them and leave them, and I get more excited about that, about him

than the guy who is literally trying to move the moon and stars for me in order to woo me, to date me, and to him I'm being a little bit of a bitch.

And I think it says about me how what I really want is to have fun, and I will but some part of me tells me to watch out because once I'm done having fun, I don't know if there will be anyone who is ideal for me.

Maybe I want too much when it comes to relationships which is why I'm not bothering. Is it so wrong to want someone completely mind-blowing, completely extraordinary?

And the guy who wants to date me, isn't. But I'm giving him a chance anyway, just because he's giving me attention beyond my sexuality.

But I'm still hoping for Christopher, the fairy tale guy, the ultimate fantasy, and I guess until I get my chance, I won't know.