Destiny is calling me.

Listening to: Mr. Brightside- The Killers, I've just seen a face-The Beatles.

Reading: A scanner darkly- Philip K. Dick.




Truth: I'm scared that it's Just a hookup. And nothing more.

Truth: I'll be okay with that. but not really, and I don't want to get attached and I know I'm overthinking and just let it flow, see where the dice finally land BUT I need to write this out to get it out of my system. To just admit that for once, I don't want it to be just a hookup and I'm scared it is. & it's just going to make me wonder whether I'm just good for hookups but not for dating. There I said it, just a good fuck, nothing else. Is that just going to be me?

I Hope NOT. I really HOPE not, and if it is, if I don't find that person that just meant for me or CP, then I'll know I'll happy and find substitutes for it. Substitutes in my writing, and live out my life to the best without another chance at the big L, and not lust but Love. So I hope and after today, after unbelievable, I saw him, chances of chances on campus, and then ran after him, literally took off and left my best friend calling me a bitch for ditching me (xD I SOWEEE xDDD I love you Mikko, haha) but I just couldn't let it go. i had to go, because i didn't want to live with the regret what if I just let him go, let him walk by. It's that determination that drives me, not towards guys but everything in general, people just don't take opportunities standing still, they go, run, fly after it with their heart and hopes, and I did. & it was nice, beautiful, sweet, rad, cool, nothing out of the ordinary normal conversation between a girl and a guy, two people connecting on a level of knowing something is happening but not knowing what and I was happy to leave it at that, not over think it, over-analyzed and just get his number and he has mine.


And then he called me. Tonight, a few hours ago. And I missed it because I wasn't paying attention to my phone and now I'm just thinking, what does he really want? Why is he calling me??? Hookups don't call. They say they're going to call and they don't. & he didn't say anything but bye after exchanging info and "he keeps calling" (me back again) & is it just a hookup? & if it is, then why do I care so much if it is?
I can't. I shouldn't. I know my boundaries way too well, and the only thing I can do is see what tomorrow brings.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.