Anecdote of a Jar

Anecdote of the Jar

I placed a jar in Tennessee,
And round it was, upon a hill.
It made the slovenly wilderness
Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,
And sprawled around, no longer wild.
The jar was round upon the ground
And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion everywhere.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee.

Wallace Stevens.

I read this for class. I developed a rather different viewpoint from what my classmates and apparently the rest of the academic world has on the meaning of the poem. My Professor, who is not conceited in his teachings about the fact that poetry only have one interpretation, actually encouraged my viewpoint of it. I'm very grateful for that his interests in it, going so far as to call it ingenious. ^_^ Encouraged by this, I am spamming it in my journal to the world, my look at this poem.

Before I post what I feel when I read it, think about what you believe the author is saying in the poem & stand by your beliefs.

The Anecdote of the Jar, though only a poem composed of a brief 12 lines, has been much debated about its lyrical content and meaning. Each person has attached their own theory to what exactly is Stevens writing about. Among the much debated of its content arise two prominent theories of Stevens’ poem. Patricia Merivale, in her article ‘Wallace Stevens' "Jar": The Absurd Detritus of Romantic Myth’; states that there are mainly ‘two schools of thought on Stevens’ poem’ (Merivale, 527). A positive and a negative theory. The positive theory is that of ‘A modern Grecian urn…Bringing order out of the chaos of the ‘slovenly wilderness’. The negative connotation focuses on the final stanza of the poem: ‘on the clear suggestibility of sterility in “gray and bare” (Merivale, 527). My theory upon it is neither in agreement nor disagreement with both schools of thoughts. My concepts about the poem are in a distinct perspective.

For me, Stevens is writing about life, life in terms of pregnancy, maternal, and paternal attachments, as well as the impact of a child, especially if the child’s life did not reach fruition in the womb. The placing of a jar in Tennessee can refer to the conceiving of a child in a woman. Evidence of this can be seen in the line of where exactly the jar was placed: ‘And round it was, upon a hill’, referencing to the form of pregnancy and how the effect of being pregnant, curves out a woman. The “I” in the first line states who exactly placed that jar, in my case, it would be the father, and his act of inseminating his wife.

The wilderness that was tamed by the jar can be that of the personality changed to the potential mother/father because of that future child. The wilderness might not be related to nature, but more of a wildness, the freedom that couples have, the time that allows the couple to attend parties, dances and the like, before having their life altered by a child.

The appearance of said child never comes to being in the poem, becoming dark with the lines of “the jar was a round upon a ground. My interpretation of this line is that of the child being stillborn or a miscarriage. The line and act of ‘taking dominion everywhere’ can be a description to how the loss of a baby can devastate the parents. The miscarriage/stillborn can be interpretive to the line of the jar being gray and bare. The final two lines can be interpretive to the fact that the womb did not birth a plant, or animal, did not bring life at all. The final line can be seen as how this experience to the “I”, the father,has seen nothing like it before, explaining the uniqueness of losing a child is different to every set of parents.


Merivale, Patricia. 'Wallace Stevens' "Jar": The Absurd Detritus of Romantic Myth'.College English, Vol. 26, No. 7, pp. 527-532.National Council of Teachers of English. April 1965.


--- and that cool cats & kittens is my viewpoint of it. Any proper online etiquette following commentary is welcome.

-Stephanie.

LISTENING TO: My Funny Valentine by Chet Baker

Being a twit.

Listening to: Please Mr. Postman (cover) by the Beatles.

No shame left in me. I have joined twitter O_o www.twitter.com/phloxipi

Or like my best friend twitted: "I have joined twitter because I lost control of my life". I feel the exact same way. Always ranting about how having a twitter, a myspace, a facebook, and more pages was just ridiculous, excessive, and just too much. ranted and roll my eyes, and now I have to swallow my words ._. I am officially a twit.

Summer 09

Summer 09.

Kicking off summer; intellectually!

Books I've read for Summer 09'

31 days to go till the Fall semester starts, I need to kick it up a notch and read more.

*list will be updated until the summer is over*

Started May 7th

The Promise by Chaim Potok

Addicted by Zane

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

The Metamorphosis by Kafka

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

The Things They Carried By Tim O'Brien

The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

Misery by Stephen King

Il Postino by Antonio Skarmeta

Dry by Austen Burroughs

One Fifth Avenue by Cadence Bushwell

Family Trust by Amanda Brown

Misery Moo by ??

Magic and Misery by Peter Marino

The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris

Crank by Ellen Hopkins

I, Robot by Issac Asimov

Cut, by Patricia McCormick

Alice's Neck by Barbara Novak

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula Leguin

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Castle in the Air by Diana Wynne Jones

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein

Where the River Ends by Charles Martin

As I Lay Dying by Faulkner

Project Princess by Meg Cabot

The Namesake by Jhumpu Lahiri

Princess in Waiting by Meg Cabot

The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga

Princess in Training by Meg Cabot

Giants & Ogres; Enchanted World Series.



-
I'm keeping track on this because of the fact that I can't find my little black book, which is where my reading list was/is kept, hopefully I'll find it among my trinkets and be able to mark them off। It's MY note, for MY benefit, not anyone's else, but if you want to look at it, it's all good xD-That's आईटी। Summer was over for me Aug 24th, since that is the day that the new semester started. I still haven't found my black book so I can mark these books off >_> But my total summer reading count was 33. Not bad. I should start a fall blog to keep track of what I read for class.

Tomorrow is the first day of fall officially. still feel the same as I did when I first fell in love with reading: I want to read everything! Despite the full schedule, I can't get enough of books.

Secrets that no one wants to know.

She had trouble telling the truth. Asking for confessions of others, yet not giving any part of true self. She lived with this knowledge everyday. Smile when all she wanted to do was cry. Never told anyone about the pills she put in her mouth and almost swallow but spit them out. Flush them down in a moment when she felt weak. Never told about the days she said she ate already but in reality had nothing more than maybe some water and a cookie for the whole day. Sometimes it went on for a few days until she felt better about herself and let herself eat because she saw what could be call maybe okay in her reflection. She bites her nails. Her mom says it’s a nasty habit. Her mom doesn't know that if she doesn't do that she will start cutting herself, sometimes she does it anyway. She knows how to make it look like the cat scratch her, that the knife slip, that she got cut by some construction material. Keep the cuts small, like paper cuts. Less noticeable. But most can't tell how deep they are. No one knows that she can't sleep. She goes to bed but just lays there with her eyes closed, trying to daydream herself into pleasant dreamless sleep but most times all she does is stare at the black wall, biting down on her pillow, hoping her sister in the next room won't hear her cry. She doesn't know how she got through some things, she's surprise at herself because see her as this person who's so full of energy and is just happy all the time to the point of being irritating. So happy that people actually love her for it. If only they knew that it was just a front. Depression. At first it wasn't. Lust for life was real, laughing over the silliest things, smiling just because she got an email from a friend saying Hi. So simple how it made her happy. Before she hid behind her books, her words, all the pain and self inflected torture went onto a page so that when she faces her life, there was nothing left of that. But she stopped writing once she met him. She was so damn happy with him. He became her world so quickly so soon. Love him so much she would have done anything. Run away, elope, drop out of school, sacrifice her life to make a new one, a poor one, one fill with labor jobs making minimum wage because she left with him, she didn't care if she did that as long as she made a life with him. Any life with him, even if it included anything against the law. She would do it for him. She loved him and at first it was good, for a long time it was great, beautiful even. He said marriage, she just smiled and said wait because she was so close to getting her next degree. Tried so hard to please him, tried her damnest to make the relationship work even when she knew it was starting to fail. She became lonely. Loneliness in a relationship? That’s not supposed to be there. She got accustomed to that. She let it go. All she could think about was how to get him to stay, to come back to her. She was praying to whom, she didn't know, but it was always the same prayer: "please, don't leave me." So many fights, what happen to the sweet talking? Fights, those weren't there before. Fights, those weren't there before. What were the fights about? The fact that he wasn't there. Dates, phone calls, txts, all disappeared, she was left at home more and more and by herself she knew. She knew. How could she not see how he was changing. How his heart wasn't hers. She denied it. In denial she didn't see how it would be days before she saw him again, days that turn into weeks because he was busy. Even though she knew his schedule, knew when it was their couple time and wonder what he did when it was that time and who was he with. She knew. She saw how protective he became around his phone. Saw the hickeys on his neck that weren't given by her. Denial again, how he said it was a bruise from wrestling his brother, play fighting. Didn't look like no damn bruise. Yet she closed her eyes and deny. deny. deny. hurt. Let herself hurt. Intentionally getting hurt. Fell in the shower a few times. Dislocated the shower doors. Burn herself with the curling iron on "accident". Saw an injury coming in the form of a bruise, a cut, a burn, a graze, and instead of avoiding it, ran towards it. Snuck in front of a car door which open full force onto her with the "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you standing there." No one saw her ruse. Invisible she was again. Not worth anything. Nails bitten, Legs all bruise up, hands with "paper cuts", palms with calluses from working too much fury without stopping. She started not to care. Felt ugly, fat, worthless, just wanted to die. Wanted to open the door in the freeway and let out. Prayed for head on collision. Choke and die. Didn't matter, he didn't care anymore, didn't love her, although he always told her, she was the girl of his dreams. Started to retreat into her room. Lock her door, stay in her cave all the time. Reading, reading online, browsing WebPages, hoping to not remember the pain, anything, still in denial, especially when he would called her at 2 am, and said I love you. Wanted to believe so bad he was telling the truth. Then one night it was over. Everything confirmed. Other women, deception, bullshit, yet she still had his grandmother's gold rings. Promise rings to be together forever. He left. gone. Fury, rage, hate, jealousy, envy, revenge, loneliness, depression, eating disorder, suicide. Suicide? Suicide, hello old friend, welcome home. To everyone she looked like she was doing the right thing. Healing. Getting over him, lost weight, went out with friends, even got a bit of intensity in her, the old flame of experimentation, drinking, smoking, loving both genders, same her. No one knows. She found someone else, but what he didn't know is that it was only pieces of her. Not fair to the new guy. She is a shadow of her former self. All this potential to be, and all she could do was stare at the mirror, see that she was never ever, never will be intelligent, kind, friendly, gentle, carefree, lovely enough for anyone to love her. He still haunts her, in her dreams, she sees him like he was before, wakes up with his kiss on her lips. Wakes up breathing pain. Can't even walk, feels nauseous, might puke like she does some days when she can't stomach the fact that he's gone and is holding other girls and other girls are holding him in their arms like she use to hold him. Can’t face the fact that when he broke down from the fact that he fucked up and fucked over his first love, he broke down in someone else’s arms, not hers, like it should have been. Self-Inflicted hurt, pain, might bring her back to the reality, might release her soul. Might as well end it now before she hurts someone else aside from herself. ....

Are you in the game?

........

It's all in good fun and games. Loving, lusting, with no abandoned. Not caring to get to know someone else beyond their bodies and gorgeous faces. Sexual crushes, turn realities, saying goodbye after a little bit of play and never hearing from them again and not wanting to. It create a sense of power, a sense of freedom, a sense of edginess, to contrast with the softness. It creates sway. But too much sway leaves one well alone. in times of solitude, in times of reminiscing, the game become dark. The lust, the allure, the intimate strangers, the pretty faces, the sculpted bodies, all lose their luster, their charm, the kisses become vague in memory because there is no meaning behind it either than the temporary passion that fueled it. The needs become satisfied and it loses it appealed. It becomes a reflection of the self, of being inadequate. Of not being the norm in a relationship, not wanting a relationship, being too selfish to want to get involved, and too selfish to give oneself to another, the only person worth that is conveniently unavailable. Contrasting how in a relationship, the self, takes a back seat to the relationship. How in a relationship, every game rule is thrown out the window, the countless chances of infidelity present and slapped away chastely least they threaten the relationship. And when not in a relationship, how different life is not being loyal to one person. How much more do guys and girls available for play are more present, are just there, where before they were just other people, part of the background, because the one and only took up my vision. Now returned lingering glances, little smiles, slightly provocative stances take on a whole new meaning, and don't because it's just lust. Just a game, really a love game. Lady Gaga got it right when she summed it up, because sometimes it is about lust, and only that, most of the time, but other times, it's just haunting. The lovegame for all its sway, power, haunts. It follows you down your exploits, the thoughts of doing it again and again, of being a slut, a whore, a lover, of affairs, haunts. It follows you up and down in the halls, in every time you dress, just swallows you up in the power and loneliness of it all. Follows you as you put on your makeup, as you chose your outfits for the day or night, and just think to yourself, I wonder who will I end up kissing, making out, frenching, biting by the end of the night, and then that last thought, Doesn't matter that much, I'm not going to see them tomorrow or any time soon after tonight anyway. The games makes you take a good look at yourself. In what you're doing and asks you every time, do you really want to play?

I know that's why I loved this remix of lovegame. When the original song came out, it was thrusted at me, force on me, the song never hearing it before, I got it sent by my friends, by those who know me best, saying, wow, Stephanie this song reminds me of you. It's so you! With that chorus of being on a mission, of wanting to kiss, of playing that damn game always, never turning down a ride on the disco. Complicated and stupid indeed. The original displays all the power of the game, all the gun, the lust, the sex. But the remix. The robots to mars remix. The remix has my heart. It shows the other side of the game. The side rarely seen but felt by all those who frolic. When I heard it, I was skeptical, and as I heard it more I appreciated it more for its contrasting melody with the lyrics. When I saw it paired with the original video. For me, the first 40 seconds of the video showed the distorted reality of it, I could hear the echoes of the original as Lady Gaga danced, but I saw the vulnerability of hers through this new sounds, seen especially in her fleeting looks of her jewel encrusted body. Vulnerability seen in the heart of the game, but only for three seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrCDPZB_nkw

Be my first.

First blog,

A friend recently pointed out to me that I'm everywhere, meaning I have profiles on many many social networks and I didn't realized till she said it. I do have many accounts but each one has a different purpose. This blogger account is mainly to keep up with a few blogs that I like to follow and read, such as post secret, dressed up like a lady, and natural artificial among others.

My livejournal (LJ) account

is meant to keep up with sim stories and their communities, because I love reading a good sim story as much as I love playing it (which isn't often now :(

http://a-gates.livejournal.com/profile

My ning account is kept for my bookclub. End of story because it's two words : BOOK CLUB :D

http://meltingpotbookclub.ning.com/

my facebook account is kept for my friends and for those silly yet sometimes adorable quizzes that I like to waste my time on, and show to everyone. As well as other apps not available elsewhere.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/AnnieGates

my youtube account is kept for my music, and for keeping in place lectures and interviews of my fav authors, celebrities, and other people, as well as the DIY makeup tutorials are AWESOME .

http://www.youtube.com/user/Serenephile

my myspace is probably the one I most frequent for my blog, it's where I write.

www.myspace.com/gates_of_a

Add me anywhere if you like, I'm nice. I think.