Why him? Is he another one of those bajillion crushes I had on campus this semester? How many guys, just how many did I check out and developed a physical crush for? And then not counting them, I also crushed on many of my classmates, girls and guys.
And then this week comes along. At one point or another I have been smitten, became fascinated with four guys, (guy)Number 9, guy in class, librarian, and now him. Am I just going to think about him and forget all about him tomorrow? Just anothe bypassing interest.
He's a bit different. I talked to him for awhile, we connected in that sort of connection you have once in awhile with a stranger. He spoke to me in Spanish at one point, completely took me by surprise. I like him better than Number 9 because he didn't have that edge that Number 9 does. The edge of a player, of a too selfish guy. Maybe because aside from classmates who treats me like a girl and not a lovegamer. Maybe I just like the idea of him.
But guys like him always have girls, pretty petite indie girls with braids in their hair and quirky music taste.
But I'm distracted and I'm thinking tomorrow or something Sunday if I'm still thinking about him I will resolved this. I will text Number 9 & either ask him whether friends are offlimits or ? at least his name.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Last day of the semester
I just came back from school.
I had a lovely time just doing nothing and having lunch with Mikko and Joey. Then talking in the SU while we randomly listen to snatches of music as we tested Lady Gaga's Heartbeats, with me checking out all the cute guys of this semester, with plenty of perverted jokes, and randomly singing Beatles songs. Just a perfect way to end the semester.
I only hope that I can make next semester will be even better :D
I had a lovely time just doing nothing and having lunch with Mikko and Joey. Then talking in the SU while we randomly listen to snatches of music as we tested Lady Gaga's Heartbeats, with me checking out all the cute guys of this semester, with plenty of perverted jokes, and randomly singing Beatles songs. Just a perfect way to end the semester.
I only hope that I can make next semester will be even better :D
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Nothing crazily extraordinary happened today
so why am I blogging again? especially since I have an essay due in t-minus 24 hours. I don't know, whatever. I got it.
I had a nice day, one of those days I wished I had more of. Not exciting but still pretty good. Had a scrumptious breakfast of a shrimp omelette with a side of plaintains and banana with hot chocolate, talk about mixing up a culture.
Got ready for school, felt pretty good about how I looked, went to school.
Saw two of my best buddies, talk, gossip, ate with one of them, Dana, walked the other, Mikko to his bus but not in that order. Went to the library, finish my presentation, gave my presentation (I taught the class, woot woot), established the start of a new friendship, her name is Christina and I am so looking forward to getting to know her.
I could feel her loneliness for friends. Just like I felt Brandon's long ago in high school, and maybe Mikko's too, which is why I walked by every morning, because the mexican clique was a clique but there were other places I could have gone so easily. But I still went to sit down next to the panda every single time.
When I saw Christina, working the desk, and was like Hi :) and started talking to her, and this is only my third time talking to her but I just knew that I had to do something. So I did. I gave her my number. My email, and she got this HUGE grin on her face. The type you get when your friend calls you up to meet you at school, and when you do, surprise they brought you homemade italian sausage, just for you. (Still want pumpkin pie though xD)
I don't think she makes many friends, or easily but I see no biggie in it. And guess what, rigth after I left to walk Dana to her appointment and headed back to the library to finish my presentation, I open my email and there was Christina, already emailing me. Saying hello, how are you, and whether I lived here (in state), and how were my finals, and yeah totally new friend there.
So I answered and started doing my presentation, finish it, went to class, taught class. Everyone is real encouraging in that class, I love it, the only thing I would change is him. He looked wonderful today. Wearing a dressy shirt, freshly shaven, just looking real spiffy, and I guess I look better than I thoguht I did. I kept catching him staring at me. BAD. BAD.BAD. Just NO. As much as I want to, N-O. he has a girlfriend, and their serious, and he talks about her all the damn time, and it's probably just the fact that's he's a reader, and that he's Italian, and that he's a writer, and the way he writes, I just want to. But I won't. And he reminds me of Christopher in a very male reader, dork manner, and NO. Maybe. No. How many times did I catch him looking at me? And every time, I pretended disinterest beyond academic wise. And I don't know why this is bothering me so damn much. I thoguht I put him out of my head because he's OFFLIMITS. I know that. It's not even physical attraction, it's mental. And I was nervous presenting, because of him. Sure Stephanie, be nervous around him, but not around any other guy who you can just fuck and leave within a day, withing an hour, withing less of knowing them. You can play the game real well, but love, forget it. And I have to forget him. I think i will after I'm done purging. He's a reader, I'm reader, he's a writer, I'm a writer, and it will never happen.
That! That is what's bothering me. >_> >_______________< Blah, hate stupid no-sense at all crushes. I'll forget. I have to.
it's just a stupid longing for that person just for me.
Yesterday I held hands with the guy I hookup with on campus. Our hands didn't fit. His too short and thick, mine too long and thin. Emotionally our hands won't fit either, anything more than a hookup/friend, and I know that after a few months, I will get tired of his bullshit and bolt. That and add the fact that before I met hookup guy I met his best friend who I talk to easily, too easily. I hope I'll bump into him on campus in the spring or that my hookup guy will text me to bullshit around so I can ask him if friends are off limits. Even if his friend is just another hookup, it's just some people you just have to try out (when single ONLY ofcourse!)
And that what brings me to another thought that nags at me. I was reading Glass by Ellen Hopkins (finished it) don't ask me why I'm reading and writing when I have an essay due like a huge academic essay with citations due on Friday -_- ugh whatever. I'll do what I want. I got it. But I was reading Glass when I came across:
I want to ask if he's been with other girls.
[Don't] Need to ask.
[No.]
I have to know. [No, you don't]
And when I was in the middle of hooking up, I started biting his neck. He told me now. it's alright. I back off, there's only two reasons why guys don't want hickeys.
1. They either are huge players and don't want their other game to see hickeys (Hookup guy is NOT a player. That I can read. he can play the game, but he's not the type to have a museum of lovers)
and 2. They have a girlfriend to go home to.
It's over. I hooked up.
Hello, let's meet, hello, let's play, you got yours? I got mine, allrighty bye.
I shouldn't care. But I do. I almost asked him right there and then, "do you have a girlfriend?" but I didn't. I don't want to know the answer. I might have hurt him because of what my ex did to me.
And when I read that today after having hookup yesterday with a guy who possibly has a girlfriend (more than willing to bet about it) waiting for him to go home for winter break. That question unnerves me. I want to ask [but I won't] because I really don't have to know. I don't want the guilt of knowing that once upon a time, I hooked up and he already had a girlfriend. Made that mistake already with a fake. liar. cheat. guy who gave me my first kiss years and years ago. He had a Long time girlfriend, they got married, they didn't have kids. they're now divorce. And I, me, I was the other woman. And she, I knew who she was but I believe him when he said it was over, but it wasn't and I dropped him and it only hurt me one day and I was done. And knew that he was nothing to cry over about and within 3 months of getting my first kiss, I started playing the game. No need for attachment. & I'm not attached to hook up guy (maybe just a bit his cutie friend who I like a bit too much) but BUT the suspicion of being the other woman, the guilt of it is there too.
And all I have echoing in my damn head is need to ask. {NO} Have to know [No, you don't] but like the song in the concert version.
But I should of have thought of that before we fucked! FUCK!
If he texts me, i promise that I will only make it right by asking about his friend (because I owe myself that, non-hookup or otherwise) and before I say yes to hooking up, I will ask if he has a girlfriend. IF we hookup again. He wasn't a spectacular lover. he ranks 3rd. it was rough, and I suspect the alcohol and cigs (maybe the nervousness about cheating? hope not) are taking a toll on his performance (I learn WAYYYYY too much in sex education and know way too much about sex and the body to not noticed. other girls might not but I did. I know)
He ranks 3rd. Out of um... UHhh. can't count. xD Mostly for durability and willing to the get-go. As well as being a gentleman hookup if there is such a thing. Hmm.
But is he really a gentlemen when he has a {possibly} girl (HOPE NOT) at home?
And all I wanted was a simple kind of life. I don't know how it got to this point.
When I envision myself as a lovegamer back in high school with loser self dreaming about it. i didn't realized how complicated, loving and leaving could be. sometimes.
The longer that I wait (for a special guy) the more selfish that I get (meaning I don't want one as much, will he (if I ever get there again, in a relationship) hurt me?)
Just another reason to keep writing, it's better that way, just going back to my writing now. And another reason to dream of him, the boy of my dreams, in all his unglamorous wardrobe, and geeky little square glasses, and eager "Oh boy!" lingo.
One day.
I had a nice day, one of those days I wished I had more of. Not exciting but still pretty good. Had a scrumptious breakfast of a shrimp omelette with a side of plaintains and banana with hot chocolate, talk about mixing up a culture.
Got ready for school, felt pretty good about how I looked, went to school.
Saw two of my best buddies, talk, gossip, ate with one of them, Dana, walked the other, Mikko to his bus but not in that order. Went to the library, finish my presentation, gave my presentation (I taught the class, woot woot), established the start of a new friendship, her name is Christina and I am so looking forward to getting to know her.
I could feel her loneliness for friends. Just like I felt Brandon's long ago in high school, and maybe Mikko's too, which is why I walked by every morning, because the mexican clique was a clique but there were other places I could have gone so easily. But I still went to sit down next to the panda every single time.
When I saw Christina, working the desk, and was like Hi :) and started talking to her, and this is only my third time talking to her but I just knew that I had to do something. So I did. I gave her my number. My email, and she got this HUGE grin on her face. The type you get when your friend calls you up to meet you at school, and when you do, surprise they brought you homemade italian sausage, just for you. (Still want pumpkin pie though xD)
I don't think she makes many friends, or easily but I see no biggie in it. And guess what, rigth after I left to walk Dana to her appointment and headed back to the library to finish my presentation, I open my email and there was Christina, already emailing me. Saying hello, how are you, and whether I lived here (in state), and how were my finals, and yeah totally new friend there.
So I answered and started doing my presentation, finish it, went to class, taught class. Everyone is real encouraging in that class, I love it, the only thing I would change is him. He looked wonderful today. Wearing a dressy shirt, freshly shaven, just looking real spiffy, and I guess I look better than I thoguht I did. I kept catching him staring at me. BAD. BAD.BAD. Just NO. As much as I want to, N-O. he has a girlfriend, and their serious, and he talks about her all the damn time, and it's probably just the fact that's he's a reader, and that he's Italian, and that he's a writer, and the way he writes, I just want to. But I won't. And he reminds me of Christopher in a very male reader, dork manner, and NO. Maybe. No. How many times did I catch him looking at me? And every time, I pretended disinterest beyond academic wise. And I don't know why this is bothering me so damn much. I thoguht I put him out of my head because he's OFFLIMITS. I know that. It's not even physical attraction, it's mental. And I was nervous presenting, because of him. Sure Stephanie, be nervous around him, but not around any other guy who you can just fuck and leave within a day, withing an hour, withing less of knowing them. You can play the game real well, but love, forget it. And I have to forget him. I think i will after I'm done purging. He's a reader, I'm reader, he's a writer, I'm a writer, and it will never happen.
That! That is what's bothering me. >_> >_______________< Blah, hate stupid no-sense at all crushes. I'll forget. I have to.
it's just a stupid longing for that person just for me.
Yesterday I held hands with the guy I hookup with on campus. Our hands didn't fit. His too short and thick, mine too long and thin. Emotionally our hands won't fit either, anything more than a hookup/friend, and I know that after a few months, I will get tired of his bullshit and bolt. That and add the fact that before I met hookup guy I met his best friend who I talk to easily, too easily. I hope I'll bump into him on campus in the spring or that my hookup guy will text me to bullshit around so I can ask him if friends are off limits. Even if his friend is just another hookup, it's just some people you just have to try out (when single ONLY ofcourse!)
And that what brings me to another thought that nags at me. I was reading Glass by Ellen Hopkins (finished it) don't ask me why I'm reading and writing when I have an essay due like a huge academic essay with citations due on Friday -_- ugh whatever. I'll do what I want. I got it. But I was reading Glass when I came across:
I want to ask if he's been with other girls.
[Don't] Need to ask.
[No.]
I have to know. [No, you don't]
And when I was in the middle of hooking up, I started biting his neck. He told me now. it's alright. I back off, there's only two reasons why guys don't want hickeys.
1. They either are huge players and don't want their other game to see hickeys (Hookup guy is NOT a player. That I can read. he can play the game, but he's not the type to have a museum of lovers)
and 2. They have a girlfriend to go home to.
It's over. I hooked up.
Hello, let's meet, hello, let's play, you got yours? I got mine, allrighty bye.
I shouldn't care. But I do. I almost asked him right there and then, "do you have a girlfriend?" but I didn't. I don't want to know the answer. I might have hurt him because of what my ex did to me.
And when I read that today after having hookup yesterday with a guy who possibly has a girlfriend (more than willing to bet about it) waiting for him to go home for winter break. That question unnerves me. I want to ask [but I won't] because I really don't have to know. I don't want the guilt of knowing that once upon a time, I hooked up and he already had a girlfriend. Made that mistake already with a fake. liar. cheat. guy who gave me my first kiss years and years ago. He had a Long time girlfriend, they got married, they didn't have kids. they're now divorce. And I, me, I was the other woman. And she, I knew who she was but I believe him when he said it was over, but it wasn't and I dropped him and it only hurt me one day and I was done. And knew that he was nothing to cry over about and within 3 months of getting my first kiss, I started playing the game. No need for attachment. & I'm not attached to hook up guy (maybe just a bit his cutie friend who I like a bit too much) but BUT the suspicion of being the other woman, the guilt of it is there too.
And all I have echoing in my damn head is need to ask. {NO} Have to know [No, you don't] but like the song in the concert version.
But I should of have thought of that before we fucked! FUCK!
If he texts me, i promise that I will only make it right by asking about his friend (because I owe myself that, non-hookup or otherwise) and before I say yes to hooking up, I will ask if he has a girlfriend. IF we hookup again. He wasn't a spectacular lover. he ranks 3rd. it was rough, and I suspect the alcohol and cigs (maybe the nervousness about cheating? hope not) are taking a toll on his performance (I learn WAYYYYY too much in sex education and know way too much about sex and the body to not noticed. other girls might not but I did. I know)
He ranks 3rd. Out of um... UHhh. can't count. xD Mostly for durability and willing to the get-go. As well as being a gentleman hookup if there is such a thing. Hmm.
But is he really a gentlemen when he has a {possibly} girl (HOPE NOT) at home?
And all I wanted was a simple kind of life. I don't know how it got to this point.
When I envision myself as a lovegamer back in high school with loser self dreaming about it. i didn't realized how complicated, loving and leaving could be. sometimes.
The longer that I wait (for a special guy) the more selfish that I get (meaning I don't want one as much, will he (if I ever get there again, in a relationship) hurt me?)
Just another reason to keep writing, it's better that way, just going back to my writing now. And another reason to dream of him, the boy of my dreams, in all his unglamorous wardrobe, and geeky little square glasses, and eager "Oh boy!" lingo.
One day.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Books Books Books!
100 Books
I found this list of 100 books on a random blog I came across. I stole it :P
I've emboldened the titles that I've read, and italicized the ones I hope to read someday. Feel free to do the same if you wish :)
1. Jane Austen – Pride & Prejudice
2. Harper Lee – To Kill A Mockingbird
3. JRR Tolkien – Lord Of The Rings
4. Jodi Picoult – My Sister’s Keeper
5. Stephanie Meyer – Twilight Saga
6. JK Rowling – Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone>
7. Audrey Niffenegger – The Time Traveler’s Wife
8. Markus Zusak – The Book Thief
9. George Orwell – 1984
10. Raymond E. Feist – Magician
11. Khaled Hosseini – A Thousand Splendid Suns
12. Paullina Simons – Bronze Horsemen
13. Gregory David Roberts – Shantaram
14. Margaret Mitchell – Gone With The Wind
15. Bryce Courtenay – Power of One
16. Dan Brown – The Da Vinci Code
17. Dan Brown – Angels & Demons
18. Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist
19. Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre
20. Tim Winton – Cloud Street
21. Khaled Hosseini – The Kite Runner
22. Emily Bronte – Wuthering Heights
23. Arthur Golden – Memoirs of Geisha- Bookclub reading of last January/Feb :D
24. LM Montgomery – Anne Of Green Gables
25. Joseph Heller – Catch-22
26. Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat Pray Love
27. The White Tiger - Adiga Aravind
28. Brothers by Yu Hua
29. Yann Martel – Life of Pi
30. AB Facey – Fortunate Life
31. Douglas Adams – The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
32. Lewis Carroll – Alice In Wonderland & Through The Looking Glass
33. Sputnik Sweetheart -Haruki Murakami
34. Cane - Jane Toomer
35. David Pelzar – A Child Called It
36. Li Cunxin – Mao’s Last Dancer
37. John Marsden – Tomorrow, When The War Began
38. Frank McCourt – Angela’s Ashes
39. Frank Herbert – Dune
40. JD Salinger – A Catcher In The Rye
41. F. Scott Fitzgerald – The Great Gatsby
42. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – One Hundred Years Of Solitude
43. Bryce Courtenay – April Fool’s Day
44. The Good Earth - Pearl S. Buck
45. Patrick Suskind – Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer
46. Matthew Reilly – Ice Station
47. Carlos Ruiz Zafon – The Shadow Of The Wind
48. Stephen Hawking – A Brief History Of Time
49. Christopher Paolini – Eragon (Inheritance Cycle)
50. Louisa May Alcott – Little Women
51. Mitch Albom – Tuesdays With Morrie
52. Jane Austen – Persuasion
53. Alice Sebold – The Lovely Bones
54. Ian McEwan – Atonement
55. Leo Tolstory – Anna Karenina
56. George Orwell – Animal Farm
57.
Anthony Burgess – A Clockwork Orange
58. Antoine de Saint Exupéry – The Little Prince
59. Roald Dahl – Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
60. CS Lewis – The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe
61. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – Love In The Time Of Cholera
62. Bill Bryson – A Short History Of Nearly Everything
63. Fyodor Dostoevsky – Crime And Punishment
64. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
65. Arundhati Roy – The God Of Small Things
66. Paullina Simons – Tully
67. John Grisham – A Time To Kill
68. John Grogan – Marley & Me
69. Vikram Seth – A Suitable Boy
70. Alexandre Dumas – Count Of Monte Cristo
71. Neil Gaiman – American Gods
72. Cormac McCarthy – The Road
73. Aldous Huxley – Brave New World
74. Brendan Shanahan – In Turkey I Am Beautiful: Between Chaos And Madness In A Strange Land
75. The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan
76. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon
77. How The Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Julia Alverez
78. Donna Tartt – The Secret History
79. Mario Puzo – The Godfather
80. Anne Rice – Interview With The Vampire
81. Steig Larrson – The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo
82. Stephen King – Stand
83. Helen Fielding – Bridget Jones’ Diary
84. Eckhart Tolle – New Earth
85. Matthew Reilly – Seven Ancient Wonders
86. Jung Chang – Wild Swans
87. Nicholas Sparks – The Notebook
88. Bret Easton Ellis – American Psycho
89. David Eddings – Belgariad Vol. 1: Pawn Of Prophecy; Queen Of Sorcery; Magician’s Gambit
90. Louis De Bernieres – Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
91. Melina Marchetta – Looking For Alibrandi
92. Celia Ahern – PS I Love You
93. John Irving – A Prayer For Owen Meany
94. Colleen McCullough – The Thorn Birds
95. John Kennedy Toole – A Confederacy Of Dunces
96. Terry Pratchett – Good Omens
97. Hunter S. Thompson – Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas
98. Joanne Harris – Chocolat
99. William Goldman – Princess Bride
100. Charles Dickens – Great Expectations
I found this list of 100 books on a random blog I came across. I stole it :P
I've emboldened the titles that I've read, and italicized the ones I hope to read someday. Feel free to do the same if you wish :)
1. Jane Austen – Pride & Prejudice
2. Harper Lee – To Kill A Mockingbird
3. JRR Tolkien – Lord Of The Rings
4. Jodi Picoult – My Sister’s Keeper
5. Stephanie Meyer – Twilight Saga
6. JK Rowling – Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone>
7. Audrey Niffenegger – The Time Traveler’s Wife
8. Markus Zusak – The Book Thief
9. George Orwell – 1984
10. Raymond E. Feist – Magician
11. Khaled Hosseini – A Thousand Splendid Suns
12. Paullina Simons – Bronze Horsemen
13. Gregory David Roberts – Shantaram
14. Margaret Mitchell – Gone With The Wind
15. Bryce Courtenay – Power of One
16. Dan Brown – The Da Vinci Code
17. Dan Brown – Angels & Demons
18. Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist
19. Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre
20. Tim Winton – Cloud Street
21. Khaled Hosseini – The Kite Runner
22. Emily Bronte – Wuthering Heights
23. Arthur Golden – Memoirs of Geisha- Bookclub reading of last January/Feb :D
24. LM Montgomery – Anne Of Green Gables
25. Joseph Heller – Catch-22
26. Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat Pray Love
27. The White Tiger - Adiga Aravind
28. Brothers by Yu Hua
29. Yann Martel – Life of Pi
30. AB Facey – Fortunate Life
31. Douglas Adams – The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
32. Lewis Carroll – Alice In Wonderland & Through The Looking Glass
33. Sputnik Sweetheart -Haruki Murakami
34. Cane - Jane Toomer
35. David Pelzar – A Child Called It
36. Li Cunxin – Mao’s Last Dancer
37. John Marsden – Tomorrow, When The War Began
38. Frank McCourt – Angela’s Ashes
39. Frank Herbert – Dune
40. JD Salinger – A Catcher In The Rye
41. F. Scott Fitzgerald – The Great Gatsby
42. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – One Hundred Years Of Solitude
43. Bryce Courtenay – April Fool’s Day
44. The Good Earth - Pearl S. Buck
45. Patrick Suskind – Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer
46. Matthew Reilly – Ice Station
47. Carlos Ruiz Zafon – The Shadow Of The Wind
48. Stephen Hawking – A Brief History Of Time
49. Christopher Paolini – Eragon (Inheritance Cycle)
50. Louisa May Alcott – Little Women
51. Mitch Albom – Tuesdays With Morrie
52. Jane Austen – Persuasion
53. Alice Sebold – The Lovely Bones
54. Ian McEwan – Atonement
55. Leo Tolstory – Anna Karenina
56. George Orwell – Animal Farm
57.
Anthony Burgess – A Clockwork Orange
58. Antoine de Saint Exupéry – The Little Prince
59. Roald Dahl – Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
60. CS Lewis – The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe
61. Gabriel Garcia Marquez – Love In The Time Of Cholera
62. Bill Bryson – A Short History Of Nearly Everything
63. Fyodor Dostoevsky – Crime And Punishment
64. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
65. Arundhati Roy – The God Of Small Things
66. Paullina Simons – Tully
67. John Grisham – A Time To Kill
68. John Grogan – Marley & Me
69. Vikram Seth – A Suitable Boy
70. Alexandre Dumas – Count Of Monte Cristo
71. Neil Gaiman – American Gods
72. Cormac McCarthy – The Road
73. Aldous Huxley – Brave New World
74. Brendan Shanahan – In Turkey I Am Beautiful: Between Chaos And Madness In A Strange Land
75. The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan
76. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon
77. How The Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Julia Alverez
78. Donna Tartt – The Secret History
79. Mario Puzo – The Godfather
80. Anne Rice – Interview With The Vampire
81. Steig Larrson – The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo
82. Stephen King – Stand
83. Helen Fielding – Bridget Jones’ Diary
84. Eckhart Tolle – New Earth
85. Matthew Reilly – Seven Ancient Wonders
86. Jung Chang – Wild Swans
87. Nicholas Sparks – The Notebook
88. Bret Easton Ellis – American Psycho
89. David Eddings – Belgariad Vol. 1: Pawn Of Prophecy; Queen Of Sorcery; Magician’s Gambit
90. Louis De Bernieres – Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
91. Melina Marchetta – Looking For Alibrandi
92. Celia Ahern – PS I Love You
93. John Irving – A Prayer For Owen Meany
94. Colleen McCullough – The Thorn Birds
95. John Kennedy Toole – A Confederacy Of Dunces
96. Terry Pratchett – Good Omens
97. Hunter S. Thompson – Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas
98. Joanne Harris – Chocolat
99. William Goldman – Princess Bride
100. Charles Dickens – Great Expectations
Monday, December 7, 2009
This feeling has got to stay.
Today, I ruled the world. I rocked my world. I really lived, and lived happily. Today has been one of the best days of late. Aside from all the shit, the stress, the finals, the responsibilities, it was about damn time I had such a radtastic day.
I talked to a librarian. I know where I'm going to do with my life now for damn sure, and no one is going to stop me. Librarians rule the world
I went on date, and even if he doesn't call me for another or just to hang out, doesn't have to be a date, it's alright because for me at least the date was wonderful. He said he thought it was going to be awkward and now I know. I know that I can move on, that I am date-able. That if I have any other dates, him or not, it will be not awkward, I'll be great because I will make it sweet, that's up to me. Why didn't I see that before?
Then I saw my best friend and his boyfriend, a closed friend of mine now, and we hung out. I know it wasn't much. We just watched a movie on his laptop, together but, but that was more than I could ever dream of doing back in high school. Awesome movie, awesome time, and it was beautiful to me because all was right in the world.
And then the wonderfully unimaginable happened. I came home to a letter he sent me. And he sent me a picture of him, reading a book, smiling at me. A letter, an old bookmarker, all signed. And I dare not dream beyond the fan and author relationship but this, it gives me hopes. It makes me happy. Over the moon, across the field home run, favorite song playing, just blissfully happy. I know I will have to get over my attachment of him one day when and if I ever settled down with another but for now. I'm just falling into it. He makes me happy, and like the song, if it's makes me happy, then it can't be that bad.
Mondays are my favorite days and always will be :) And today just took my breath away and let me lived. I didn't expect such a gift for a day when I woke up this morning. On Monday Morning <3
Now the only thing that'll complete it is to finish my homework with time to spare (HA!)
I talked to a librarian. I know where I'm going to do with my life now for damn sure, and no one is going to stop me. Librarians rule the world
I went on date, and even if he doesn't call me for another or just to hang out, doesn't have to be a date, it's alright because for me at least the date was wonderful. He said he thought it was going to be awkward and now I know. I know that I can move on, that I am date-able. That if I have any other dates, him or not, it will be not awkward, I'll be great because I will make it sweet, that's up to me. Why didn't I see that before?
Then I saw my best friend and his boyfriend, a closed friend of mine now, and we hung out. I know it wasn't much. We just watched a movie on his laptop, together but, but that was more than I could ever dream of doing back in high school. Awesome movie, awesome time, and it was beautiful to me because all was right in the world.
And then the wonderfully unimaginable happened. I came home to a letter he sent me. And he sent me a picture of him, reading a book, smiling at me. A letter, an old bookmarker, all signed. And I dare not dream beyond the fan and author relationship but this, it gives me hopes. It makes me happy. Over the moon, across the field home run, favorite song playing, just blissfully happy. I know I will have to get over my attachment of him one day when and if I ever settled down with another but for now. I'm just falling into it. He makes me happy, and like the song, if it's makes me happy, then it can't be that bad.
Mondays are my favorite days and always will be :) And today just took my breath away and let me lived. I didn't expect such a gift for a day when I woke up this morning. On Monday Morning <3
Now the only thing that'll complete it is to finish my homework with time to spare (HA!)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Hate hate hate this.
I hate it when emotions sneak up on me. I would absolutely be horrified if this happened anywhere when I was with someone/in public.
I was emailing a friend about Burned by Ellen Hopkins (Just a stunning book). As I was telling her, I remembered that I was reading that when he left me for her. And before I could even blink I was heaving sadness into my hands, cupping my face, my mouth so that no one could hear me.
hate hate hate. I was perfectly fine, happy that she emailed me and then bam, I'm trying to muffle my brief sobs. Why must I remember that? Why. I loved the book and looking back on it, I can remembered how I cling to it. to anything. I remembered how I cling because I couldn't get up. I couldn't do anything. I spent a week lying in bed, sleeping 16 hours a day, only getting up to eat food I didn't find taste. and when I went to the bathroom, it was only to dry heave over the toilet and vomit nothing but a clear white looking like water liquid, trying to vomit the distaste of the whole affair. It was ugly. very ugly. I worried everyone. I lost a lot of weight. I went down from a size 16 to a size 14 in two weeks because I didn't realized I was starving myself. I couldn't eat. I couldn't swallow, I would get nauseous if I ate anything heavier than a yogurt or a banana a day. Yeah that's what I was eating. One banana or one yogurt a day and some water. It was all I could stomach.
Stupid how one thing can bring you down. I clung to that book. I read burned and it took me the whole week, not because it's difficult. it's actually a very fast, very short read. But I've read Burned because I would be reading it and just glazed over whatever I read, I had to go back and concentrate on what I actually read because I didn't know what I read. Or then i would read something and I would have to put the book down because I couldn't go on.
I know if I read it again and I want to. I love Hopkins, it's only going to make me cry.
And I'm sick for still wanting him sometimes. He broke me and I want him back. So strong. so weak. too much. too little.
All I can do is write and wait. wait. wait. for the day that I might be okay, and find a man who will treat me like I am a flower and he is a bee and his world is me.
Where are you, I think I know who you are, prince charming with glasses, and always a good book in sack, prince charming with outdated slang, prince charming, king of the geeks. When are you? because you're not here on my time, with me, when you should be. But you still make me smile. he still holds the ability to make me laugh with his bad jokes and his geek boy manner and maybe that's why I cling to him, when I should just cut my losses and go. live. forget about relationships and just concentrate on reading and writing for the rest of my life. Sounds like a good enough plan to me.
I was emailing a friend about Burned by Ellen Hopkins (Just a stunning book). As I was telling her, I remembered that I was reading that when he left me for her. And before I could even blink I was heaving sadness into my hands, cupping my face, my mouth so that no one could hear me.
hate hate hate. I was perfectly fine, happy that she emailed me and then bam, I'm trying to muffle my brief sobs. Why must I remember that? Why. I loved the book and looking back on it, I can remembered how I cling to it. to anything. I remembered how I cling because I couldn't get up. I couldn't do anything. I spent a week lying in bed, sleeping 16 hours a day, only getting up to eat food I didn't find taste. and when I went to the bathroom, it was only to dry heave over the toilet and vomit nothing but a clear white looking like water liquid, trying to vomit the distaste of the whole affair. It was ugly. very ugly. I worried everyone. I lost a lot of weight. I went down from a size 16 to a size 14 in two weeks because I didn't realized I was starving myself. I couldn't eat. I couldn't swallow, I would get nauseous if I ate anything heavier than a yogurt or a banana a day. Yeah that's what I was eating. One banana or one yogurt a day and some water. It was all I could stomach.
Stupid how one thing can bring you down. I clung to that book. I read burned and it took me the whole week, not because it's difficult. it's actually a very fast, very short read. But I've read Burned because I would be reading it and just glazed over whatever I read, I had to go back and concentrate on what I actually read because I didn't know what I read. Or then i would read something and I would have to put the book down because I couldn't go on.
I know if I read it again and I want to. I love Hopkins, it's only going to make me cry.
And I'm sick for still wanting him sometimes. He broke me and I want him back. So strong. so weak. too much. too little.
All I can do is write and wait. wait. wait. for the day that I might be okay, and find a man who will treat me like I am a flower and he is a bee and his world is me.
Where are you, I think I know who you are, prince charming with glasses, and always a good book in sack, prince charming with outdated slang, prince charming, king of the geeks. When are you? because you're not here on my time, with me, when you should be. But you still make me smile. he still holds the ability to make me laugh with his bad jokes and his geek boy manner and maybe that's why I cling to him, when I should just cut my losses and go. live. forget about relationships and just concentrate on reading and writing for the rest of my life. Sounds like a good enough plan to me.
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