No don't let me down.

So don't blow it, no not a little bit.

& I miss my girls. I do, even the pork side to it. Why because, they were always so eager, so ready to get up & go with me, & support me, stand up for me. BUT I guess this is just me missing them, that part of them. Because I do not appreciate the underhandedness, the stubbornness. the fact that they so readily flare up & it was just one comment & really could they expect my tolerance my nontaking part of it forever.

Can't I just have peace? Isn't forgiveness part of it? Funny how I keep thinking that the people who claim to be self-actualized & go around bragging about it or achieving it, as actually having their shit together overlook the fact that they do not practice the morals of a self-actualization & extend that to friend.

I thought years of a friendship would be worth more than this? Especially you! I've known you for more than 10 years.

10 YEARS!!!

You think all the times we hung out together? You think that all my comments, my statuses, my random text messages trying to cheer you up, support, wouldn't be so easily overlook.

& then you think that your other self, would use some of your smartness to keep your opinion to yourself & know when to shut your mouth if you had nothing nice to say & just let it go.

What the hell is wrong with both of you? You're probably thinking what the hell is wrong with me? You both need to open your eyes & look at all sides of the story.

I offered a truce. left it explicably & one of you still threw shit in my face, you slap the hand I offered in friendship away, & you shouldn't have done it so hastily & you know what I did? I let it go. I turn the other way. Funny, I don't even follow religion but I adhere to their teachings more than some of their devoted followers (except sexually)

& what's sad is that wow, look at this. You two say goodbye when I most need you to be there for me. To squee & to laugh with me. To support me. To say Go! Stephanie! Go! To plot & scheme up every little thing!
I mean I have my fag & i love him BUT it's not the same. Is it? Can one person be so interchangeable? Can one friendship be so forgotten so quickly?

When you two see my side of the story. I'll be here but I won't forget how easily you turned on me & keep that in mind even though I thought I knew my friends better than that.

I hope that for the rest of them, I didn't misjudged so quickly.

otherwise, I'll be here.