Morning

Fuck you subconscious! I will NOT let you ruin my day. Not today. Today is MINE.

Fuck you dreams, with your lingering emotions, playing it out when I'm at my most vulnerable, when I can't do anything about the thoughts. The images.

The fact that in my dream. He was standing right there. In line. Next to me. He was waiting for me. He was holding a magazine, and we were waiting to go into the movies so we could see something together.

-_-

No wonder why I sleep late, to wake up late. I do this to myself. So that for at least a few minutes, I can remember him clearly without any emotional fucktardary bugging me. So I can just enjoy him the way we were. & just hold it there, and wake and remember it was just a dream. & That's all it will be.

I still see him when I'm sleeping. That's not fair. It reminds me.

& I need to wake up. I need to write.