Prompt

This post was partly prompted by Mikko's own post of charm.

How he wrote that some people have it and others don't. Simple to it, nothing more.

I don't know why he wrote that post but I have an inkling. But either way it made me think, made me reflect, made me analyzed. I may be a copycat in some ways but sometimes it's just my own way of trying to share my side of the story.

Charm. Such a small one syllable word. A word when used in describing someone tells alot about them.

I have been described by this word, many times. But only in recent years.

I have blossomed into a person, a personality, a perspective that I yearned for when I was younger, in my middle school years. When I was 11,12,13, 14. My most awkward years when I was painfully aware of just what type of person was I. Charming wasn't it.

I dreamed of a better self in those days. Dream of myself as being a charming beautiful woman who everyone adored, who everyone wanted, who everyone thought she was just the bee's knees. Always on the go, always having fun, always lovely, her social calendar full and yet she still made time for people.

I think I have accomplished that. To a point. I know there are other aspects I have to improve on myself to become that ultimate dream of myself as a person since I was young but I won't fully be able to be that person till I am independent. But right now, I am as closest I will be to that person, personality wise, while still being dependent. (Physically, I need to keep working but that's on hold till I feel 100% healthy)

I think I have accomplished that because of the fact that my social awkwardness. Well, it's gone. Nearly. I realized that I will never be that girl who sat alone at lunch anymore. That I will not be that girl who takes herself to the movies or to eat with only her book for company. I do not have to do that. Unless I want it to be that way.

Because now I will always have no end of friends to join me. All I have to say is I want to go here, who's coming and look there's one, two, three, hell sometimes as many as four or five people coming along. And sometimes I know there would be more if our schedules were all so delicious free.

I became that type of girl that I was so jealous of in High school & middle school. That type of girl who made making friends look so easily. Who was always so loud, so overly energetic, so awesome, so perfect.

I am not perfect. I never will be. But in ever other aspect I have become that girl. Too loud, too much energy, too easily befriending people.

I didn't realized that I had become this person but I still remember what it was like to not be this person.

To sit by myself at lunch and not by choice. To crave that whoever would just talk to me.

I sit back and look at myself and just shake my head in amazement at the fact that I do have quite a social circle, even though I say I do not. But it's not a lie anymore. I do have friends who care about me. Who keep me company, no matter how sick or lonely I feel and who I try to take care of to the best of my abilities.

And now I think I just made a new one. Sure it's a guy. It's always a guy with me is what I find these days.

But I think that it's not going to be romantic or sexual. I admit to the fact that he did ask me out. Despite the beliefs of my friends who say he likes me in that way. I doubt. I really doubt and trying to see things truthfully. Looking at it from my side, I see him as someone who could teach me how to ride...A motorcycle that is. But also as a new friend because he isn't from around here and that sucks, being the new kid. Not knowing anyone, not hanging out with anyone. But it's the beauty of it too. Making those new connections. New friends.

Finding out life and what's the city is all about and the people in it. Welcoming the
experience and leaving the place a different person, a different mindset. With the ability to see oneself's potential and direction much more clearly in life. Which is why I love traveling.

So despite whatever my friend's tongues have to wag and wager upon that he likes me in that way, I will not believe it till it is confirmed from him but I will also not delude myself into putting expectations. I will have a friend, a friend new to town, a friend who happens to be a rider,and kind to me but that's it. Que sera sera.

And in the meantime I will concentrate on my goals and ambitions. On being the best person that I can be. Relationship or not, I will define my life and live it the way that makes me happiest and in the manner of living out and being the best person who I can be.